The Alchemists' Road to Competition and Marriage
by Inuchemist10
Summary: Mainly the lives of Riza Hawkeye and her competitive husband, Roy Mustang. Implimations of the Elric lives EdwinAlkate and thier own life. Must read TTEOB to understand and mature content. UPDATED FINALLY! chap 4 up, very M content!
1. Competition 1: Riza's wake up call

_Sneek peek of new story..._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters…and junk…**_

**Riza's wake up call**

Roy Mustang was a man of composure and almost always calm. But there were only certian things that broke that distinct characteristic. One was when he asked me, Lt. Riza Hawkeye to marry him. Two was finding out the news that he would be a father, then going through child brith with the woman that wielded a gun at any given moment. And lastly working with the stubborn little snot (as he called him) Edward Elric, ailias the Full Metal Alchemist. Roy had met the man when he was a mere 12 years old and bearly a preteen. He surpassed the rigorous written portion of the state Alchemy exam with not a bad mark and some how dazzled the King himself during the pysical portion. Mustang knew that day he'd be in for trouble working with the determined and bull headed boy. But he also knew that this blond boy bearing auto mail had the same intentions as him. Use alchemy for the good of the people.

Unfortuneatley both of them learned that not to be true and lossed far more than they could ever gain using alchemy. I myself, a Hawkeye, know every equation, every fornula and every array of the science called alchemy. But still have yet to learn the minds of men. And truthfully, Edward and Roy are not much different, regardless of age. There minds are alike whether either one of them want to admit it.

Roy has the uncanny ability to get under Edwards skin; whether it's unannounced phone calls, snide remarks at the office or even just a particuar look. He can make the younger mans eys glow like fire. And in turn Edward can make Roy steam into combustion, litterally. At some point that's where I step in a have to draw the line. A quick wave of the gun and Roy is silent for the rest of the week.

I would also imagine that someow it bothers my husband greatly that Ed has a life other than that of the military, as does every one else. But it's different with Ed, he has a _sex_ life and appearently a good one at that. And that's what gets to my husband, It's always a competition between the two. Who's stronger? Who's alchemy is better? Who has the better sex life? Why does it even matter, I ask Winry every time I see her. She just sighs along with me and says getting answers would be like 'beating a dead horse...just two of them'. I could not aggree more.

So this particular Saturday morning my husband decided to play a visious prank that on Edward came right back on him, seven fold. He thought up the clever idea to call the Elrics in the early morning ( and knowing how Ed sleeps in on the weekends) and inform the Alchemist he was to come into work. Boy, did Roy call at a bad time...and I was the blunt end of this whole little scheme.

A characteristic unfamiliar to me has made it's way into my busy life. I have found the sheer comtentment in sleeping in on Saturdays (something that I could also aggree with Edward) and have told my son and my arrogant husband not to bother me on that one day of the week. My son complies while my husband does not and gets the worse of all punishments. I would have thought he learned his lesson ater a week on the sofa. But not the Flame Alchemist, it wouldn't be him if he did NOT want to play with fire. Except this time he got burnt by not only Edward but me as well.

"Riza..." I heard his voice, deep asleep. I turned away and was a second later greeted by a kiss to the check, and a warm hand to my breast.

"What have I told you?" I ask sternly, my voice cracking with weariness. He smiles briefly, putting a hand to my blond tangled hair.

"I know...I know but you have to hear this. It's giving me ideas...that little pompous jerk..." He muttered, his onyx eye dancing and a smug smile tugging at his lips. I see him holding the phone next to my ear.

"Roy, you woke me up...on a saturday...to have me answer the damn phone?" I snap, but calm as well.

"Not just any phone call...Ful- Edwards banging the bejeezis out of his wife...and he knows I am on the line! It's insulting!" He shrieks, ripping a hand through his dark hair. His face barely flushes and I snort.

"Then hang it up, Roy." I state tonelessly and turn away.

"He knows exactly what he's doing and shame on you on bothering them. Shame on him for ricipicating and ruining my morning. You both are in a load of trouble on Monday..." I add, pulling a pillow over my face. I hear a sigh in defeat and the phone hang up. I then feel the mattress move and Roy is back laying on his back beside me. I must have been in a good mood that morning for pittying him. I roll over quietly and kiss him deeply.

They both got what they wanted...

Both the competition is far from over...

And I am not through with either of them.

_A/N: I did a Roy and Riza one, YAY! I am going to start finally Roy and Riza drabbles! But not unil I at least get 16 done of November. But just to give yo all a sneek peek, I post this on the TTEOB drabbles. You will need to at least read these to understand some of the R&R drabbles because they relate somehow to each other. There will be things about Ed/Win mentioned though out as well as Alphonse..._

_I've been reading the Manga (the new one) and I get lots of ideas and stuff..._

_Thanks for all the reviews and enjoy! Mind the speliing errors and junk!_

_chapter 2 is going to be a continuation called ' At the Office'_


	2. Competition 2: Pies vs Meat

Competition # 2: Pie verses Meat

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the concepts in this chapter, because I am a sick sick girl..._

_A/N: Yes it's been like for ever snce I updated, but I warned you. I came up with this tonight because I needed some Roy action...It's been a while. Enjoy!_

Roy Mustang plopped into the swivel chair that was his inferiors, Edward Elric; who was already fifteen minutes late. Even if the fellow alchemist was indeed late that did not stop Roy from having a coy and conceited smirk plastered to his face. He could not wait to rub his current achievement into Edward's face, like rubbing wedding cake into a newly brides lips.

And as usual Edward did not call the flame alchemist to even let him know he was going to be late. And Roy knew this; he knew the lazy, not coincidental habit of his major was part of their competitive and disturbing relationship. His ears perked when he heard the faint sounds of Edward's boots, one much heavy than the other, stomping down the hall. He heard the younger man say something to another officer (something about his status) as came closer to his office. Roy, with his sleek, black and ivory hair yet again glanced at the clock and then down to the pig sty Edward called a desk.

The door swung opened and an annoyed and tired looking alchemist stalked in. He had a coffee in one hand and his metallic one held on to the strap of his leather pack. His uniform was 'nicely' wrinkled and his hair was pulled back into a low pony tail.

His face immediately soured when he saw the smug man sitting behind his fuckin' desk, with his dirty boots propped up on the numerous stacks of paperwork. "What the hell are you doing in her?" He snapped, dumping his pack on the red carpeted floor. He went to a window (behind Mustang) and opened it up, letting in the cool spring breeze fill the small room.

"See I gotta open a window to let your stink out." Ed frowned as Roy continued to watch the grumpy man in ure mirth and satisfaction.

"I have some news for you full metal." He smirked, running a hand across his eye left patch.

"What…you have some terminal disease that's going to rid you from my life." Ed questioned, roughly pushing Roy's feet from his desk with a metal hand. The older mans feet hit the carpet with a soft thud and he frowned.

"Tsk, did someone not get some last night ans slept on the sofa again?" He teased as he swung the chair to the left and stood up. Edward scowled again and raked a flesh hand through his bangs.

"Fuck you." He simply said slamming down into his now warmed chair. Disgusting, he always hated it when he sat into a chair that was previously occupied by someone's ass other than his own. This was his office!

"Anyway I came to inform you I got a blow job last night…and as usual did got squat. I win." He grinned, showing his perfect, small white teeth.

"I think Riza has brain damage for marrying you and is completely gone nuts to stoop to that level…it's appalling and disgraceful. And to think you might run this country. That will surely be dooms day." Edward replied tonelessly, pushing aside a stack of documents.

"That's where you are wrong Ed, that will be a day if victory. And I still win." He smiled attempted to grab Edward's coffee, but to hae the drink snatched away like a hot candle from a baby's grip.

"See Roy that's where you are wrong. I not only got practically raped this morning, but got some…oh what's it called Winry-pie too. Now got out." Edward smiled victoriously.

Roy's smile faded. But his confidence returned tenfold. "The competition is still on, by the way nice hickey." He said as he turned. Edward's flesh hand grazed the bruised spot right at his collar to the left side of his neck and turned pink. Now he knew why the officer stopped him this morning and asked him if he got into a fight. Yeah he got into a fight all right; a fight that included Winry Rockbell, fiancée to claw at his back and suck the sensitive skin of his nape as he wickedly dove in and out of her six in the morning. Now he suddenly realized why the hell he was so tired.

But he still won the battle that day. Mustang would have to come up with something better.


	3. Competition 3: The Pompous Roy Mustang

Roy Mustang, prestigious, pompous and self- involved sat behind his office desk

**The Pompous Roy Mustang Hears A Rumor**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, characters etc..._

Roy Mustang, prestigious, pompous and self- involved sat behind his office desk. The title of General hadn't fazed the man's working habits to say the least. He still hated paperwork and he avoided it most days. B.ut then given, the higher rank he was able to hand the paperwork off to a confident inferior. That so-called confindent inferior was no other than Major Edward Elric, former state Alchemist with a wicked ailias 'Full Metal'. Edward was still technically a state alchemist, but no longer bound to missions ( on exception of his sometimes needed expertise) but more so office work. Or as the younger alchemist said himself, _Roy's Bitch. _The ever trusting and gun slinging blonde, Riza Hawkeye still worked right aside the General; but not so much in the office anymore. The eventual _Mrs. Mustang _was responsible for training all new troops in the expertise of firearms.

Both were relocated back to Central when the Elrics returned for good. The woman still brought Roy his lunch, chatted about different things going around Central and an occasional brief intimate moment. They went to work together and left together; sharing a lavish apartment, in eastern Central. They had over the year became increasingly close to the Elric family. They visited Resembool most holidays and celebrated birthdays. Alphonse was almost through school and on his way to becoming one of the best damn alchemic-Medical doctors in Amestris. Edward had finally married his long time friend and mechanic Winry Rockbell and recently heard though rumors that the young wife was pregnant. Yet, neither Edward or Winry had yet to disclose such information. Edward worked in Central three times a week and at a small College in Resembool the rest of the two. He and Winry jointly owned 2 Auto mail shops, one in Resembool (and the Rockbells original business) and another in Rush Valley. They were by no mean pressed for money. Edward's pension alone could cover expenses. But no one would know for the two lived as simply as they could.

Roy hardly noticed the scuffling of uneven boots as he mused over his thoughts. His ebony eyes looked up to see the back of his 'said' inferior attempting to scoot out of the room unnoticed.

"Your late and so are these documents. You not that stealthy, Full Metal I've been watchin' the clock." The blond stiffened at the man's coy tone.

"You should have gotten off your own ass and signed some of those papers. Y'know actually earn your paycheck." Edward snapped, whipping his head around to glare at the unfazed General.

"Harsh words today, Edward. It's not even midday and you are already being a fowl mouthed dick." Roy added smugly, but seriously.

"Jus' don't go jumping down my throat and you might steer clear of a fist to the jaw." Edward grunted, shoving hands into his pockets of his wooly and itchy uniform.

Mustang ignored the comment. "Seriously Edward, you might consider calling if your gonna be late. The fuehrer might actually catch on that you don't have a sick grandmother. Besides I put those documents on your dest. Yesterday morning."

"Yeah...well I am sorry to bust your bubble but I have been busy lately. Midterms tomarrow, I haven't made up the test. The Resembool Shop was closed for a few days, Rush Valley has quadruple booking an' to top all that off Winry's unable to fill any of those orders because she is sick. Which is why I was so fashionably late today. She missed the damn toilet an' I had to help clean up the mess."Edward ranted, moodily.

Mustang sighed, knowing now that perhaps the rumors were true. He just had to act on instinct. Or maybe it was inpulse.

"You know, Full Metal there's a rumor that's been floating 'round' HQ." Roy mischievously put a hand to his chin. " I heard something from Fury and Breda that you knocked up your mechanic..." He couldn't help the shit-eatng grin that graced his lips as he watched Edward's face drain of all color. The man's hands dropped to his sides. Mustang expected to see him clench his teeth and his fists but neither happened. Instead Edward looked up utterly pissed.

"Damn it just who in the hell's been running their mouths?! I'll turn em' all into fish when I get a hold of them." The young man fumed, buttons pressed, reeling.

"An' you have know idea!" He shook a metal index finger at the black haired man. "She pukes everyday-at least three times. She's moody and it's no one else's damn business! She hasn't even seen a doctor yet." He simmered down, pushing back his pony tail. His yellow eyes were narrowed.

They were silent for a moment until Edward was the first to speak. "Aw hell, Winry proabaly ran past someone. She's been dying to tell someone. We just didn't want to make it a big deal."

Roy smirked. "You mean you didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Because you knew that we would all know that you have officially a sex life! You must of stuffed her good Full metal, and quick too, you guys were married just a month and a half ago. I guess all that traveling finally caugh up with your dic-"

"SHUDDUP! Will you it's like you enjoy torturing me! An' yeah this is exactly why I didn't want anyone to know! Especially you! You know-wait a sec... you do this shit because you are jealous aren't; you? You not even married yet!" Edward spat, spinning on his heel to exit the room as fast as he could.

When he got to the door, Roy spoke again, just as smugly as ever. "That may be true Edward, but I do have much more experience in the matters of woman. I could give you some tips!" He called as Edward rounded the door way and disappeared from view.

"By the was Ed...don't forget you have more papers for me!"

"Sitck up 'em up your as, ya old bastard!" Edward called from the hall way. This was going to be the longest day in his life, other than the one when he was married.

A/N: don't you just love Roy? He's great...I cam just so see the look on his face. I'd want to slap him too.


	4. Competition 4: The Stork Trials

The Stork Trials

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything and Edward hate's the fact I wrote this little bit..._

**The Stork Trials**

Unfortunately for Edward Elric, he had no choice but to ask the insolent boss of his General shit head, Roy Mustang to watch his four and ten year old one evening. It seemed that everyone else the young man tried to call was unavailable. Even Alphonse and Kate; both were away aiding a refugee camp in the North. His options slimmed down the man that he quite frequently loathed. Edward and Winry were to attend Edward's award ceremony at the college. They had a fight, which did not help matters any better. They were not speaking to each other and Edward was in a fowl mood to start. It only got worse when he found that he had to call the older man that very morning to come by car and watch the children. Which would ultimately lead to Hageren owing to General. That was never a good thing, pay backs were tough when it came to Roy.

Edward knew that first hand, missions were torture!

So Edward swallowed his pride and called the General. Roy was reluctant to agree at first, but Edward heard Riza in the background threaten him with a pistol. Full Metal knew Roy wouldn't mess with the woman on a normal day, but now that she was 6 months pregnant with her second, he wouldn't even look at her the wrong way. So realistically, thanks to Riza Mustang, The Elrics had an in-house babysitter.

The Flame and his wife arrived shortly after 6:30pm with their five year old, Hughes. Winry was rushing to get ready and Edward barely had time to shower. He was the first to come, galloping down the stairs, his wet hair pulled back into a low pony tail. He was dressed in a black tux with out the jacket (which was slung over his metal arm) and Roy could see the black shirt he wore underneath the white dress shirt.

"Nice touch, Full metal...the black shirt under the white dress shirt, absolutely classy." Roy teased as he took his coat off. Edward shot him a dirty look and laid his jacket on the back of the kitchen chair. He mumbled in the mix something about the auto mail oil ruing his shirt and that the General was an ass.

"How are you Ed?" Riza asked as she pulled along a sleepy looking Hughes.

Edwards face softened. "I'd be better if we were not running late..." He told her sarcastically, but smiled warmly at her. His eyes caught her growing bump and his smile grew, showing his pearly whites.

"WINRY! C'mon! We're gonna be late!" He shouted up the stairs. He turned quickly, and walked into the living room where his children sat; his dress shoes clattered against the wood floors. One heavier that the other.

Maes was doing his math homework and Isabel was coloring. Roy and Riza followed slowly. Hughes made a beeline for the little girl that was sprawled on the floor coloring.

"Maes, you the man of the house tonight, so make sure this ass here takes care of you and your sister. No sweets, don't give me that look, I know you have been cutting into my liquorice stash. Take a shower, brush your teeth and lights out at nine. Make sure your sister gets her bear off my bed, she'll have fit. Mrs. Riza here too, take it easy on her. She will bathe your sister." He told the boy, with stern amber eyes. His gaze turned to the entire room.

"Oh and if I hear you guys did anything...anything bad, you'll be eating liver for a week, granny Pinako style. So behave and listen to Mr. and Mrs. Mustang ya hear?" He pointed a metal digit at the General.

"Yes sir!" All the kids cried in unison.

"WINRY!" He yelled stomping back into the foyer, at the bottom of the stairs.

Riza walked back into the same room, watching Edward shrug into his tux-coat.

"Roy told me you guys have been fighting again tonight...is everything okay?" She asked, walking up to the young, flustered man, adjusting his coat and tie. Edward scowled as she brushed the fuzzies from his jacket with her hands/

"Yeah...we're fine. She's just being a bitch. She'll get over it." He told her brashly.

"She's your wife, Edward respect her, love her, we only live once." The older blond smiled, averting her gaze to her husband who was in the living room quaking like a duck for the two small children.

"He can dive me crazy sometimes, but I love him still." She commented. The two heard Winry's high heeled feet clatter down the stairs. When she came to view, Riza thought she looked stunning in her navy, strapless gown. Her hair had been pinned up into a twist, with ringlets down each side of her face.

"Winry, you look beautiful." Riza smiled as Winry stepped down the threshold. Winry ignored the glare from her husband and hugged the older woman.

"No you look beautiful." Winry told her lovingly. "How have you been?" She asked, stepping back.

Riza flushed, and it seemed her ruby eyes shimmered with unleashed tears. "I am well. But you'd think Roy is the one pregnant. He complains about everything." She grinned as Winry took a peek at the alchemist in her living room. He saw her out of the corner of his vision and came into the room.

"Doctor Rockbell, if I wasn't married I'd ask you out right now. You are stunning. Full Metal how could you be mad at this? She's absolutely gorgeous!" The ebony haired man swooned.

Edward appeared with Winry's shawl and her crimson dress coat. "Well dick wad you are married, and she's my wife if ya forgot. An' we have somewhere to be right now." Edward snapped, putting the shawl over Winry's bear shoulders. Winry shot him a glare and snatched her coat from him.

"Edward, your so rude. Let's get going before I decide not to go. Period." She hissed going to the door and grabbing her car keys off of the end table near the door.

Edward growled following her and waved off to the sitters with a gloved hand.

"See ya Roy, Riza, thank you so much Help your self to anything!" Winry called as she went out to the door.

"You'r driving? In that?" They heard Edward squawk as he shut the door.

Th couple went back into the living with the children. Maes zipped his pack and threw it in the corner, declaring he was going to get his shower. Riza sat on the sofa near the children and Roy took a spot on the floor next to her.

"Hard to believe that he was once twelve...I mean he still looked it. But the brat has grown and has his own rug rats." Roy though out loud, leaning his head onto his wifes thigh.

Isabel looked up, her blues eyes shot to Riza's swollen stomach. " Your gonna have a baby right?" She asked, curiosity seeping out of her voice.

"Yup the stork is going to bring the baby really soon." Roy answered a smile evident on his face.

Isabels face darkened and she sat up. "There are no such things as storks and babies." She told them as-a-matter-a-factly, twirling a small finger in her golden hair.

Roy smirked at the child. "Oh really, than tell me Miss Isabel why wouldn't a stork bring a baby?" He charcoal eyes danced with mirth.

"Because babies come from susies. My daddy told me the stork is just a stupid fable to tell kids when you want to lie to them. He told me that I came from 46 pairs of chromosomes, 23 from him and 23 from mommy. That his fish that hav his genet-ic- um material swim to find an egg that has mommy's genetic mater-ial in mommy, they eat through it and it grows into a baby in 9 moths. The baby comes out of mommy's susie from her belly. There are no storks, Mr. Mustang, it's not scientific." The little girl mimicked her fathers tasteless lines.

Roy laughed out loud earning a scowl from the youngest Elric. "He told ou that did he?" He sputtered, as Riza almost looked horrified. "Fish?" She asked with a smile.

The girl huffed as if these adults would already know this, Duh! "Yeah, the fishies that live in daddy. He says mommy doesn't like the fishies so I won't get a little brother or sister...but he can still wrestle with her all the time." She finished.

Roy chucked again. "Sounds like something Full Metal would say, give all the chemicals, and not taste. Gross. He ruin's everything."

So the tale of the storks was never mentioned again around the Elric children.


End file.
